I remember I had been searching for answers for months on what was causing my left hamstring pain. I went to specialist after specialist, hospital after hospital and all I kept getting was misdiagnosis after misdiagnosis. The pain was getting worse and I still had no answers.
It wasn’t until I made my way to San Francisco, completely bed-ridden with the most agonizing pain that would wake me from my sleep screaming that someone finally figured out what was wrong. A simple needle biopsy – but I wasn’t prepared for what they found out. Thankfully they had my pain down to an 8 on a scale of 1-10, and I was grateful for that – but I was unprepared for the news of two doctors when they showed up to my room to explain my options.
One doctor was short in stature and he began to talk about chemo. As soon as I heard that word, it was like the oxygen was being sucked out of the room. I was stumped. Why was he talking to me about chemo? Doctors only talk about chemo when patients have cancer. Wait!!! Do I have cancer?
I couldn’t hear anything the doctor was saying because I was stuck in my own head trying to figure out why he was in there.
Then the next doctor – the tall one – began to talk about radiation. I heard that part but then my mind began to wander again… I must have cancer if they are both talking to me about these options. My eyes began to fill with tears as I fought hard not to let them roll down my cheeks. I don’t like crying. And I don’t like crying in front of people. My mind began to wander again as scared thoughts ran through my head. Something must have snapped me out of my daze because I finally heard the doctors ask, “Do you have any questions?”
I stared at them having only one question that I did not want to know the answer to.
“Do I have cancer?”
I had a spindle cell sarcoma, the size of a grapefruit, growing from the my sciatic nerve. It had managed to squeeze through the hole in my pelvic bone and was pinching off the blood supply to the bottom half of my nerve. My oncologist didn’t discover most of this until they operated on me. The scary thing about cancer is that a huge margin has to be taken in order for the cancer to not spread. My situation was complex because this giant tumor was near a lot of important organs and things I needed. After 9.5hrs they successfully removed the tumor and a chunk of my sciatic nerve.
This left me with a partial paralysis of my left leg. No one wanted to tell me I would never run again… and likely never ride a bike. My pro career was over. I would struggle walking.
I had no idea anything was even wrong until the doctor asked me to wiggle my toes and I couldn’t. He was touching my foot and I couldn’t feel it. Then in came a physical therapist to help me “walk.” Once again I could not wrap my brain around what was going on. I had been a runner for over 15 years, a world champion in XTERRA!! Why were these people helping me “walk?”
I sat up in bed and tried to take a step. I nearly fell on my face. My brain couldn’t feel my foot. It couldn’t send a signal down to tell it to move. I couldn’t walk. I was so weak.
Eventually I did. I made it out of my room with a walker. I slowly walked a loop around the nurses station racing all the other patients who didn’t know they were racing me. Then I graduated to the outdoors and walked a half mile twice a day. Then a mile. I would bandage my foot up so that it didn’t drop causing me to trip. I finally ditched the walker and used a cane. The bandage was replaced with an AFO and I was on my way to getting my life back.
The only problem was the clunky heavy AFO that I had been given. It wasn’t very good for what I wanted to do. I wanted to ride again. I wanted to hike. I wanted an active life similar to the one I had before.
That’s when I discovered Allard. The ToeOFF® allowed me to walk so much better and without a cane. Then I discovered the BlueROCKER® that would allow me to ride a bike. It was stiff enough to be able to use my quad to push down on the pedal and not have my foot flip all over the place.
Finally, I could be active again!
It was a pivotal point in my journey as I also discovered Paracycling and the Paralympics. In 2016, I not only qualified for The Paralympics in Rio de Janeiro but I won a Gold and Silver medal in the road race and 3k pursuit (track cycling). As I stood on the top spot on the podium and watched the American flag being raised I remembered the day I took my first step. I had come so far! And then the National anthem was played and my eyes once again filled with tears. But this time they were tears of joy.
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